‘the balled realm of duntellya’

so i am writing again just to see how my engish is coming along…have been speaking basically a mix of everything it takes me a while just to think of the right word to use..

have not been in touch with my friends and family…being busy is just an excuse but my pace of life here is so fast its already the end of february when the 19th of sept seemed just like yesterday…

cant really tell the difference between reality and dreams coz very often i am lost in my own world thinking of things that are not of my concern or just simply stuff i am not supposed to venture in…but i miss you guys alot..church friends church family and yeah friends…just miss you al so so much…but dun worry will make it all up to you wen i get back..i promise,till then just want u to know that every one of you are imortant to me…

wanna share someting realli personal here as well, normally i am not the kinda person whu would go all transparent in blog but well thats how my life is now…kinda dun have any secrets, i will just say wat i wanna say and do wat i wanna do only consulting my conscience and my heart where my best friend resides…you know, God has been so good to me…the fact that i can get a chance to study here in moscow wer it is a centre for scientific breakthroughs and phylosophycal encounters. A land wer the first weapons of war and spaceships were built,a land which hosts the champions league this year, a land wer the most drastic weather conditions occur…yeah i m here and i can tell u this, i wouldnt have gottten this far if it weren’t for "the cool dude" up above who is always watching over me and guiding me in every step i take, tinking back now i can barely remember the last time i lost my temper…Thats Gods greatest gift to me here, yet…coming to think of it anyone would know my bursts which ended up in brawls or exchange of double edged words….

this peace is wat i want…tis comfort i feel,so assured that my next step is being taken cared of…so proud to be His child…

the echo of the final whistle, or the remnence of wats left of a 200 year old bottle of wine none of it in which anything can be changed but wat we are now…that feeling of wanting to have done better, it shouldnt be there…give your best in the first place so that you have nothing to regret in future…wen you take a dive for your final points wouldnt you wanna know that you had given yor best no matter wat the outcome may be…i always thought winning ws everythng and it didnt matter how we got there but i dunno, smewer along the way a friend taught me that you dont need trophies to prove youre a winner…you gotta believe it in you heart that you are gonna come out a winner and wen ppl see that in you, man you dun need roads to guide you as you will be flying your own skyroute…

take care then ppl…

talk to you soon

its exactly 1ne month and one day till i fly off to moscow…dunno how the temperature there is like…heard from my uncle that the tempetature is generally between -15 to -30 degree celsius…i mean thats damn cold…haha…gonna have to live with that…not that scared of the temp actually…just wanna play soccer there and i hope nothing comes between me and soccer…and yeah the ice skates that i bought several years ago that have been catching conwebs can finally come to use…will i be interested in skating again…?who knows i mite join ice hockey and start breaking bones again…cool eh…?hasnt happened in a wile…i just want to be able to do sports…that will keep me in tact…

i wanna be able to run and run and never turn back…never feel tired never sweat ehough…will i be able to do that…?

hopefully lah…

i’ve never stayed in a place that cold b4 and i hope that i’ll adapt to it..? Jesus will take care of me like he always has yup yup…gonna miss the church here…its like everytime i make really close and good frens i have to go somewhere…i dunno why but i am sure He has a plan for me that each day i am praying will be revealed to me…its so great to walk this journey with Him…

then there is harry potter…that dude…its been like a week and i still havent find out who RAB is….i have my guesses but i dunno…too busy…will buy the book later…
then i will find out for myself…haha…

and then now…

i feel like running again…thats wat i am gonna do…injury oh injury…why cant you pick another time to come…? will try to do wat i can lah…

chiao…

you know that hillsong song that goes,"holy holy holy, holy holy holy, i want to see you..".well that song has been really ringing in my head for the last few days now but you wanna know the last time i heard that song? you wont believe it was 2 years ago…i just heard the whole song again and i can tell you that i am amazed at how much a song, just a song can give me…i was really wanting an anwer for so many things when i got it all from one song…cool eh ?dun wanna tok abt it here but if you wanna know more about it drop me a msg and i’ll get back to you…
haha…just had to say it…was a greart feeling…

its been 6 weeks already…feels like eternity but seriously 6 weeks since…erm…that…yeah that..just wen it was about time i was struck with chicken pox…i mean wat a way to start the new year…?certainly one that i will live with the rest of my life…very often when people around me get it i will be like not afraid of getting it coz after many encounters i dint get it…but to tell you the truth i had all vaccinations against it and i still got it…its really painful if you get it at a later age so my suggestion is get over and done with quick…itt hurts less wen you are younger…

had fever for 7 days and nights and it was hell i tell you…i can remember how each spot came out…i whu never took pills was swallowing paracetamol tablets like nobody’s business…the thuth is those pills dun help you…its youself and alot of work from above…i was taking the pills and it never worked until my body wanted it to stop so yeah…

but i am back after all the misery with only one thing in mind,to see less of the spots each day…tried my best not to scratch any of it but still some of them cheated my feelings and sctatched themselves out…waiting for the marks from my face to heal first…huh cant wait for that…

and you know wat..have been hanging out in coll this whole week and guess wat i dun miss a thing,…everything is the same everyone is there(dint expect it) and yeah basically same stuff different year…only diff is i stepped into the new year with someone special and well i am so satisfied for that…cant thank God enough! wat am i gonna do the next few months…?i dunno get a job? sell drugs? GTA? i dun ,ind trying it all…i mean wont do these stuff in a military country rite…?

i really dunno whether i should look forward to the flight…part of me wanna stay by the shore and the smaller part that wants to swim across i dunno wats installed for me…new country new everything but wont feel my heart beating as it will be 4000 miles across the other end…see how it goes lah…you never know till you try rite? i mean i am all about trying something new but this really gets me thinking about the choices that i am making…yeah as i said see how it goes…

basketball…basketball…basketball…3 years ago i dint even know how to play it and now i dunno kinda enjoy it but i think i gotta hafta hide me face for a wile from that court i use to play at…dunked tikk the ring broke…act it was oredi broken lah…but ben said its not my fault so i dun care lah…it was the rings fault for being so lousy quality and being reachable for a 6 feet guy…

ivan just beeped me asked me to train a bunch of small kids in basketball and hopefulli they can win something something…he asked me wat am i looking for and i said people with a strong mind and spirit and determination to succeed and can tahan the shit i am gonna give them..i mean i was on the other side once and i was glad my coach jerry and adrian ho never gave up on me no matter how i played or how unfit i was…so more important than winning something i guess i shld implant something within these kids that they can carry for life..i dun wanna have i michael jordan with an attitude of jose morinho rite…rediculusly rebellios…but i wish i can get a mj..haha…kidding…even mj got rejected in his first selection and his spirit and enthusiasm brought him to wer he was…

toking about basketball…do you guys know the new lebron 4 is out…which makes the lebron 3 damn cheap now..wish i can buy it sooooooon….cant wait to get my feet in it and rise up to dunk..not to break another ring of coz…

chiaoz then…

it was more than sacrificing grad nite and my trip to genting…i tot i needed the break with my buds after my exams and all but i was just looking for a reason to believe i had nothing to do…it was all pointless and meaningless until the moment last sunday when pastor prayed for us…i felt the need to challenge myself to go for the planetshakers conference coz well my brother daniel has called me several times and i am always finding a reason or an excuse not to go…things always came up but then again i had a choice to choose and yet i favoured others before God…well this time i dint make the same mistake coz since i signed up for the conference until now i have experienced things like never before…never before had i opened my bible with so much joy or tried to invite friends who i know would never open up…i promised myself this…i will keep trying and trying and trying till the whole world has beed saved…as i want more and more of Him i know He wants more and more of my friends…it was not i who found him but he who found me…i strongly believe this because i experienced it all like never before…everytime i get a word that i push away and everytime i get a calling i push away,it all came back all at once…if God dint let me go then i will not let them go just yet…so i wanna challenge you guys out there who are reading this to do something very simple…scroll down your phone book today and pray for at least one friend who needs to know God…there are millions out there but lets start with one…

if you dunno wat i am toking about just drop me a message…haha

so how are you guys out there doing..?

if the word "awsome" doesnt come first to your mind…haha well i got something for you so do drop me a message as well..

take care then…

have a great week!

my life is at rest…the first time i have ever felt peace for so long…even the stress of getting my results coupled with choices of uni is not botherinng me at all…i leave it all up to Him…i’ve done my best,given my best this yeah and now i leave it up to Him…

you know the song…numb with jz…dunno why linkinpark needed jz but there is this line…wat the hell are you waiting for…well that question often comes up to mind whenever i am doing nothing…like today i was slothing at home the whole time and i dunno sometimes i feel that i am doing nothing useful with mylife yet…i mean i got this whole plan to do things but i am not started yet…have alot of plans hanging here and there and i guess i will take this break to tie all my lose ends and start afresh in uni…wat am i waiting for…?i dunno…i guess guidance…a chance to do something real and significant…i dunno it can be anything…i guess very often i m waiting too much rather than making the move, fearing wat mite happen if the plan backfires but i have learned something…you never know till you try so yeah…instead of waiting for people to change i’ll try to be the change,thats what people tell me to do…but its not easy…its really not easy…

another year has ended in fact its my final year before i step into uni…it was a grear experience here at sunway college…i mean it was dead coz it was more quiet and settled down compared to the hectic lifestyle i was having…the joy of training and fellowship with fellow church members was replaced by the anguish of waiting for something new to happen. i was back at the place i started, a place where when i left i swore i would never return to again but then it was a great experience as each step is a new lesson to be learned. my perceptions of people have changed…what seemed changeable became unchangeable and what seemed unchangeable became changeable…most of us found wat we were looking for this year i know it and for those who didnt we received something different far better, and there are those who chose to completely avoided change resisting it till it tore them in two…i was once like that unable to accept change and i’m glad and greatful to one particular family for putting my life in track.oh and yeah timmy…happy birthday!If you get to read this… its easy to accept change now coz everytime something bad or good happens something new comes with it…a priceless lesson that can onli be learned if we were roborn.

can still remember my first day when Ben walked into class like he was owning ass of the teacher and his attitude…man i tot was coll gonna be like this…but it turned out that he was one of the bestest friends i have now…i guess it was right wen people sae dont judge a book by its cover. he is a great guy you know sometimes the shit he talks makes me think alot…and yeah ben if you are reading this please know i was never bothered about the fact you smoked…i was just concerned that you mite go before i even graduate…i’ve had enough people walk in and out of my life and all but two to go just like that…then there was cute yeekhin who was with his cap…first friend my age i had in college…gonna miss the little things he speaks but always had a great impact…remember the SF yeah…then there is raj and sandish who came to me on the 1st day and made me feel at home immediately…sandish was one hellova tall guy for his age…and raj…who the hell called him a nigger…?i mean that guy is pure indian man…oh and yeah vikram(real name)…A.K.A jiayih…my favourite man wen it comes to food coz wat i love he loves and i never got a chance to rub that lucky trunk or his…gonna miss you bro…then comes aaron the everwarming friend,sam the dynamic leader who led two projects that resulted in me not havent to stress up over lan exams, kane the math genius, stan who is never satisfied with wat he gets for exams and by which had fun playing futsal with ol you guys…dun wori we’ll get a game soon…oh my God i just remembered…i m ssssssoooooooo gonna miss english class too…had the best teacher in my life i mean…Pn annyza knocked things into me in a way that i so enjoyed her class…so if any of you reading this ever get taught by her dun sulk coz she’s loud…she’s the best and you’ll love her…i assure you…choon choon…what a choon name rite…gonna miss you too…hey just wanted you to know the other thing you were asking me…it worked out…and i wanna thank you again…you words meant alot to me that day you know…iggy…you better take care too man…this is the guy who can caome up to and say he just realised he lost all his physics notes the day before the final exam…must be physics wizard…aunty su…how can i forget you…always  cheering me up with menthos…if youre not back yet gimme a kol..we’ll have that menthos soon…yoven…gonna miss you little sis…dun be so blur k…hopefuli you and your prince charming get together soon yeah,and thanks dear for your best wishes abut you know what lah…elton,johnny boy,chiayee,aunty jo,bobby,sabrina,ibby,rathi,hiba,claire,nat,…love all you guys…has been a great experience…hope we all get to meet some day yeah…

heard that there is more…the two latest friends i made this year turned out to be my best indeed…sara gurl and my dear pari pari…sarah thanx for al those encouragement and it was so good to see you cheerful and yippy the last few weeks…you know you shld fall sick more often…hahapari pari wld know what i mean..and lastly the question that my fellow Mufy people have been asking…Who’s pari pari and that other question…you’ll find out soon enough…

i m gonna miss the scene at the cafe at gaj’s corner and well the drinks at orange and all…oh yeah in case you people also wondering did i ever slap stare queen…i didnt…some of you were dight…not coz i dint dare but coz she’s not worth it…so those people who ever see the stare queen in the cafe or anywhere else even if you feel like slapping that irritating face,…its not worth it,besides she already has a flat nose to start with…

amir…had fun stealing that car the other day man…too bad because of me we had to return it…perhaps one day we’ll do it again wen i am a cop or something yeah i mean here its all the same rite..this lesson is one i wld never take with me!

generally it was a fun learning journey…this year…the first 20 years of my life is almost coming to and end and now begins a new journey of my life…and i’m glad i am never alone coz He is always there to guide me…people who have helped me and supported me whom i never got the chance to thank thanx alot…

hmm Gajaen is right now in the exam hall, doing his chem paper, and being as itchified, i jumped straight into the balled realm of Duntellya.

Ever heard the song ‘ironic’ by Alanis Morisette? ever paid close attention to the lyrics? there is quite abit of truth in it. You see, sometimes people say life is good , life is what you make it or you choose your own life. Yes its true, but no matter how much you think things are going great and everything is all smooth, life has a funny way of sneaking up on you. As Alanis sings..

"Its like meeting the man of your dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife’

Or when you just need one little thing to make everything go the way u want it to?

‘ its like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife’

I have met many people who would do anything to be a perfectionist. they think that is the only way to be.. thats the the only way you can win the race of life. I know this, as i used to be a perfectionist as well; but the number of people i hurt on my way. It  just makes everything unworthy.

But when you look on the otherside, you realise that when when things go wrong, there is always something to catch your fall.. life is not unfair, neither is it cruel.

"And life has a funny way of helping you out when You think everything’s gone wrong and everything blows up In your face”

after hearing that line. i realised, whats the  use of being a perfectionist? Because you can never go against life and make everything perfect. Only God is perfect. and if we are perfect as well.. we get to be exactly like GOD.. and as if hehe.

So its better to just go with the flow, enjoy the present. Make the most of what you have, take risk. savour the feeling of satisfaction. When you dont experience any difficulty or bumps, then you are not living life. I mean imagine eating ice cream everyday for everymeal.. sounds good at first, then you gonna get sick of it. so whenever things go wrong, just step back take a deep breath look beyond the darker patch of grass, you will see that the grass is DEFINITELY greener on the other side. If things dont happen the way you plan, then that isnt the way for you. I realised this a while ago, and no point fretting and having sleepless nights because once again, as Alanis sings;

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything’s okay and everything’s going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything’s gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face.

Gajaen, thanks for helping me out like all the time hehe. and i must say, after having long chats with you, i realised all this. Good Luck!

-sarah-